CURRY BEAR

I am hoping by now I don’t need to keep giving him an introduction, but here is another article by Curry Bear’s part-time new writer, Billal. I hope that Billal appreciates all this knowledge and fan-base I am sharing with him and doesn’t pull a Lebron James and leave me for another blog. Bears hold grudges like a fat girl holds cupcakes.

Zara is a single, sassy 25 year old pharmacy graduate. She enjoys hanging out with friends, listening to music, and making jewelry out of macaroni. But enough about Zara, let’s see who our bachelors are today!

Ok Zara, the game is pretty simple; I’m going to describe each bachelor, and you’re going to ask them a question. So are we clear on the rules?

Zara: Yeah, sure, whatever. When do I get paid? Do I actually have to go out with any of these losers?

GREAT! Let’s begin!

Bachelor #1 is a guy by the name of Jasdeep. Jas is a closet homosexual who still hasn’t come out to his family. Recently some people in the South Asian community have started getting suspicious as Jas is 22 and still not married. He is here tonight to prove to himself and the world that he is indeed straighter than Chuck Norris in a hardware store having sex with Christina Hendricks.

Zara: So Jas, what is your favorite part of a woman?

Of course I have to say the best part of any women is her…ummm…vagina? Oh man, I love vaginas, just thinking about one isn’t scareing me at all. OH GOD! I can’t go on with this lie. Vaginas frighten me; they remind me of that clam on Animal-Planet with the hidden teeth. I don’t want to put my penis anywhere near one of those death tunnels!

Bachelor #2 goes by the name of Raj, AKA DJ Punjabi-knife-gun-stab. Raj is a bonified gangsta straight outa Edison NJ. He enjoys hollerin at desi hunnies from his civic, starting beef with guys smaller than him, and of computer science/ graphic design. In Raj’s hood of Edison, he is known for getting HOes and making MOney. This has led to his nickname of “HO-MO thug”

Zara: …oh great… So Raj, if we went on a date, where would we go? And what would we do?

Shawty, you would take a little trip to mah pants where I would give you the craziest 12 seconds of your existence. Nah, das jus me playin, but on sum real talks I’m chekin you out, and gurl you is fine. I mean you got a booty that could swallow a G-string, and up top you got 2 bee-stings- I’m digging that, more cushion for da pushin. ; ). Seriously girl, I want to be on you like blue on Vishnu. I aint even wanna take out mah magnums, lets go raw dog.

Bachelor #3 is a guy named Zahir who plans on becoming an Imam. But Zahir doesn’t plan on being your everyday, beardy, slightly conservative Imam. Zahir combines 1500 years of Islamic literature with a philosophy he calls, “keepin’ it real”

Zara: If you could change on thing about me, what would it be?

Well, first of all, you need to start wearing a Hijab. This isn’t for any religious reasons; I just think you need to cover up that nasty clump of a weave you call your hair. Seriously, it looks like someone put glue on a bald manikin, and then used it to sweep the floor of an Italian-Irish barber shop.

Zara: OMG I guess you want me to throw on a Burqa too.

See, Muslim women are supposed to dress modestly in order to be judged by their intelligence, and personality. From that fact alone, if anything, you should start showing more cleavage. Also your breasts are amazing, they really take the attention off your asymmetrical, crocodile face and thunderous elephant legs. I’m just keeping it real…Allahu akbar?

Alrite Zara, the time has come, which of these bachelors do you choose?

Zara: Well…I guess bachelor #1

Jasdeep: OH YEAH! She chose me, and that means I’m straight! IN YOUR FACE COCK BOYS! Ok Zara, I have the day planned out, lets start by going to the spa…

And so ends another episode of DESI DREAM DATE!

Email: bms041788@hotmail.com (I write for a lot of different sources, I NEED IDEAS FROM YOU PEOPLE- ANYTHING)

Dedicated to the 12 people who follow me on twitter: N3H4, humairagulzad, edanodan, SilverWingsJS, sospokesaroj, ZUGANTO, umaymahsyed, ahgnaS, nayan1875, shonali_85, guvphull, and of course CurryBear. Also to Joel Stein- being funny aint easy.

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