CURRY BEAR

The original Toy Story came out in 1995. I was about 10-12 years old, just a little cub. About 15 years later, Toy Story 3 comes out. Unlike movies like “Finding Nemo”, “Monsters Inc”, and “UP!” this movie is not a movie for the 10 year olds from 2010. It’s for the 10 year olds from the 1990s. So fuck you kids, I waited 11 years for this movie.

Even the toys from this movie are toys we grew up playing with, such as action figures, Mr. Potato Head dolls, and toy rotary phones. Kids today have real cell phones! They just can’t relate. Boys are into video games and girls are into dressing like skanky hoes like Hannah Montana. Fuck you too, Miley Cyrus! Basically what I am trying to say is kids nowadays just don’t stay kids very long.

Last week an 8 year old cursed me out on PS3 while playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare. He told me he was going to rape me with an AK-47, which he proceeded to do because I suck at that game. Kids just grow out of toys way too early these days. Little girls are passing over movies like Toy Story to pine over a boy who sparkles in the daylight or turns into a werewolf. You are 8 years olds! You don’t need to be into boys from Twilight or lesbians with bad haircuts like Justin Beiber.

You can tell Pixar knows its audience because the movie is a lot about moving on. The theme of this movie is basically nostalgia, holding on to your youth, and friendship. Something I have been dealing with myself in the past year. In the movie Andy is moving on to college and the toys have not been played with for years. They accidentally get donated to a day care and the story begins.

I must say this is one of the best movies Pixar has ever made. The scene at the end really got to me. I don’t want to spoil the movie but let’s just say I was grateful I was wearing 3D glasses. When we were little, not only were our toys our friends, but they helped us make new friends like racing toy cars with your neighbor. Some of them helped you fall asleep like a teddy bear. Perhaps one helped you learn to accessorize like a Barbie doll.

After watching this movie you want to run up into the attic and say “Thank You!” to all your old toys. Sadly, if you are like me, many of them are not around. That’s when it hits you. You realize how much of your innocence is gone. I would give anything to block out all these debates about healthcare, oil spills, and wars, and just play. Play with toys and share them with my friends. I want to pretend the Ghostbusters teamed up with the Autobots to save the Thundercats from the Evil Carebears. Don’t let their names fool you, they are assholes!

No matter how old we get or what we have been through, chances are there is a little innocence inside all of us. If there is a little bit of innocence left in you, you will enjoy this movie. If you don’t enjoy this movie, then the world has been really cruel to you, and I feel truly sorry for you. You may no longer have your toys but remember when you feel like you need a toy in your life to help you get through your day. You always have Curry Bear. “You got a friend in me”…or as Spanish mode Buzz would say “Yo soy tu amigo fiel”. Ironically the one toy I do have from my childhood is a bear. Perhaps, I was always meant to be…..a Bear.

PS: If you ever meet a purple bear with a pimp cane, pretending to be Curry Bear but smells like Strawberries, don’t trust him!