CURRY BEAR

Curry Bear has a theory that in any relationship, you will eventually run out of things to talk about. When you talk to a person every single day and give them a play by play of your day, you will get to a point where you don’t want to hear it anymore. Having an interesting conversation with your girlfriend will be harder than having a conversation with Sarah Palin without hearing the word “maverick”. Guys will go weary of their girls bitching about drama and girls will get bored of listening to guys talk about how badly Curry Bear is beating them in fantasy football. You will get to a point where you only call each other because you feel obligated. You will be on the phone for hours and try really hard to come up with something to talk about. Even after marriage you will get tired of talking about your day. I mean seriously, how interesting can your life be that your daily experiences will entertain you and your wife every single day for the rest of your life.

Unless your boyfriend has a memory like the guy from “Memento”, your boyfriend will be so annoyed that he will imagine strangling you in a manner that resembles Homer Simpson choking one Bart Simpson minus the “Why you little…” Talking about your day over and over again is like handing in the same report in every day and expecting to get a better grade. Stop plagiarizing yourself! If you want to be in a relationship that will last longer than a Shah Rukh Khan movie, you need to date someone based on the TV shows they watch. I know this sounds ridic, but hear me out. I call it “The Theory of Teletivity” (I copyrighted that bitch).

Looks fade. Your girlfriend will be hot for another 5 years at most and your boyfriend will get fat. Even things you love about each other will begin to annoy you. However, if you guys are both diehard fans of at least five TV shows you will have a new show to talk about and reference every single day. Not only will you be spending quality time with your significant other curled up on the couch watching your favorite show, you can even talk about it the next day. Even tell each other inside jokes about the show. Perhaps even add some of those sex scenes in your repertoire. Maybe even use lines from the show in your conversation and laugh about it. So many wonderful new conversations will arrive on your doorsteps like a weight watchers meal just by watching TV.

Another thing watching your favorite shows together will do is diffuse almost any fight. Every couple has fights that are about absolutely nothing. Yes, these fights won’t make you mad enough to punch a pony but they are annoying nonetheless. These “nothing” fights will prevent you at the least from getting laid that night. However, if you both sit there and watch “How I Met Your Mother” or “Scrubs” right after your fight, you will get too wrapped up in your shows that when something happens on the show you will start laughing together. By the time the show is over you forgot what you were fighting about and are ready to “Chuck” (now on Mondays at 8 on NBC). Now this does not apply only to cool shows like “Rescue Me”, “Entourage”, “24”, and “Dexter”. So if this means you have to watch “Gossip Girl” with your girlfriend then you better bring some popcorn, tell her what a bitch Jenny is and tell her how you are so happy “S” dumped Dan and has dethroned “B”. This way you can insure that you get some XOXO.

The beauty of this theory is that TV shows come and go. This exercise will never get old because there are new shows every fall. Whenever one show gets canceled a new one comes along to take its place. Your routine will always renew like an infinite pez dispenser. Also, now with Tivo and Netflix you can even get complete seasons of shows and watch them on the weekends or during the summer. Now this won’t solve all your relationship problems like your boyfriend cheating on you or your boyfriend having a small penis or even your boyfriend cheating on you with a girl who has a small penis, but it will help. This may also not help you if you’re already in a relationship with a Crazy Psycho Bitch who only watches Grey’s Anatomy. However, it will help you if you are single and thinking about settling down with “The One”.

So next time you date a girl and you think she may be the one, ask yourself “Does she like the same shows as I do?” She may pretend to like some things about you because she likes you in general. But she will never suspect you are judging her based on the shows she watches. If she hates shows like “The Office”, you will know right then and there that she is not a keeper. Same goes for guys. Sure guys don’t have to love “Gossip Girl” but they should be able to watch it with you. This way you guys are watching the drama instead of being in it.

Want to be Drama Free? Follow Curry Bear’s Theory of Teletivity (Patent Pending)