CURRY BEAR

 This story started off like how most my articles start off. I was on this new site about a year ago and I only met two girls on it. One was Mary, who was really nice at first but sent me an e-mail afterwards telling me that she was not ready to find “the one”, wished me luck, and disabled her profile. However, this story is not about her. It’s about the second girl, Sheila. This was a dating site but it was a little different. It was Shaadi.com/Facebook, where you can post up statuses. I learned early on that on this site, “expressing interest” in girls never got any reaction (except from Mary). But when I would comment on their status and post funny statuses myself, it would invoke interaction. So after a week of using it, I realized the site sucked. I would have stopped using it but I paid for an account and my cheapness outweighed my annoyance with the site. So I spent the next week just bitching about how lame the site was on my statuses and few girls commented about how they agreed. I told them that I prefer Twitter and to follow me on it. One of them added me on Twitter. She was from DC and I was from Jersey. We were far enough to the point that it was inconvenient but a relationship was still doable.

  I started talking to this girl on Twitter. We were both big fans of Hip-Hop so we connected. I told her I loved Wale. I really didn’t, but DC girls love it when you say you like Wale. In fact, one of my friends got a girl to blow him after talking about Wale. After talking on Twitter for a few months, we exchanged numbers. We’d text each other almost every day. We talked about music mostly and a little bit about our personal life. Soon after that, we started playing Words With Friends (WWF). When we started playing WWF together, it was like we were constantly talking to each other for a good 6 months. WWF is the best way to pick up chicks. It shows them how smart you are and you can talk while you play. She was terrible at the game and I’d let her win a few times so she wouldn’t get frustrated and stop playing. I didn’t really care for winning as much as I cared about talking to her. I really felt like we were both starting to like each other. I didn’t want to tell her I liked her until I actually met her because I think it’s hard to predict if you will still have the same connection when you meet in person (which is another way of saying bitches be mad good with Photoshop). So I made up a story about coming to DC for work. I told her I’m coming down to DC and might stay the whole weekend and we should hang out. She said yeah that she would be down.  I didn’t want to say I was coming down there just to meet her because I felt like that reeked of desperation. I mean, that was true but I didn’t want her to know that.

I was really happy. I thought maybe there is a future in this. So I went to DC after work. I got there around 7PM. I call her up and no answer. I thought that was weird. I left her 2 text messages and a voice mail and no reply. It was 10pm and it finally hit me that I just got stood up. Finally at 10:30pm I got a text message form her. “Sorry I didn’t get your text I was with my BF and my battery died”. I asked “Your boyfriend?” She said “yupz”. I thought “WOW, something that could have been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!” I was really angry. If I could, I would throw angry birds at that pig! At least these were the things that were going through my head. I wanted to call her up and be like “Why were you on a dating site if you have a boyfriend?!?! Why have you been texting me at 3am for the last 6 months, talking about everything and anything but the fact that you have a boyfriend?!? Why did LOST end the way it did?!?” OK last one was not her fault but I really wanted to blame her for everything.  But I didn’t. I just said OK, that’s cool. Now I had two options – feel sorry for myself or call my boys up and try to find an adventure. Well, I chose option #2 and that’s exactly what I got.

I called up two of my friends who live in DC. Clance and Bill were party promoters back when they were in college and still had some hook ups. I called them up to see if they wanted to go out. Before I know it, they were outside my hotel with a Range Rover, picked me up and took me to District. I was worried because we didn’t have girls and I didn’t want to wait in long lines. But as soon as we got there, we got to the front – no lines, no cover, no ratio, and we got bands for the VIP area. Once we got into the VIP area, I learned it was open bar and they were friends with several hot girls there. We partied and I was totally forgetting about Sheila. It was a real good time. Later we went and got some pizza with some of the girls we picked up at the club. I told Clance and Bill why I was there and what had happened. They told me they have a surprise for me. They told me to check out of my hotel and meet them outside. So I check out of the hotel and they pick me up. They said we are going to Virginia Beach. I told em that’s like 5 to 6 hours away and it is 4A.M. I said, “You guys are all drunk and I’m sleepy. There’s no way we can do it.” Bill and Clance both popped some aderall and started driving. I never tried it but they told me that shit is like the pill from Limitless. You know, the movie where the guy actually becomes limitless. I was in the back with one of the girls they picked up. I didn’t take any aderall so I passed out, but I do remember walking up to both Bill and Clance singing “Be a Man” from the Mulan soundtrack.

When I woke up, I was in an apartment that Clance’s parents owned on the beach. It was their summer home. The view was amazing, but that wasn’t the best part. I woke up in the middle of the room with about 8 Persian girls all around me. I don’t even remember going up to the hotel/Apartment. Clance was Persian and all these girls were his cousins apparently. This made things very awkward when I woke up to find one of them sleeping on top of me. The worst part was that all the girls were under 21, so they were very young and I was in my late 20’s. But every girl looked like a young Kim Kardashian. One of them was fucking nasty. She was eating Doritos and I had walked over to get one, but it didn’t taste like  Doritos. The bitch was licking, all the flavor off and putting them back in the bag. When I asked her why the fuck was she doing that, she responded that all the calories are in the chip and not the flavor. This is why I can’t date college girls anymore. So I spent the rest of the day swimming on the beach, surfing, and hanging out with all these new Persian friends I had made. During the night we wanted to go clubbing. Only one of the girls we were with was over 21 years old. So she came with us along with one of Clance’s guy cousins. We didn’t find any clubs but a few bars. I started talking to two really hot girls. They told me they were going to some club on the roof of the hotel we were in. Only problem was this was the only club in Virginia Beach. It was on the roof of a hotel and they enforce a strict ratio policy. Not to mention it was $200 just to get in and you MUST be staying at the hotel to even be able to pay the $200 to come up.

I thought well I guess that settles that, but not for Clance and Bill. These guys were hustlers. We were 4 guys and 2 girls. One girl was Clance’s cousin and the other was the girl we picked up at the bar the night before. We shall call her “NB4 Girl” (Night Before Girl). I’m pretty sure Bill fucked her as I was asleep right next to them on the drive over. I wonder if this technically means I was in a three way. Regardless, Bill and Clance had a plan. Bill went up to the elevator to get into the club with the 2 girls. One on each arm. He talked to the guy and he let him up thinking he was a big shot or something. Then NB4 Girl went back down to get Clance, telling the bouncer that he was her boyfriend. Clance went up and sweet talked the guy. Bill and Clance spent a good amount of time talking up the bouncer and promoters. Clance had come back down to get me and his guy cousin. A big crowd showed up and Clance had told us to just stand right next to them. Clance runs up to the crowd like he was the promoter, he ask them if they were there for a birthday. They said no. He asked if anyone in that group has a birthday coming up. One girl said she did. He said “alright I got you. You all come with me.” He led us to the elevator. Since the group had several girls in there, the ratio was not a problem. So as soon as we get to the roof, Clance gets me in for free with the large group, I think he lied and told the bouncers they were getting a bottle. We thought this was awesome, we are in the clear. However, Clance’s cousin was wearing a T-Shirt. Dress code was collar shirts only. So he had to go back down. Seriously, if you wear a t-shirt to go clubbing, fuck you. Seriously fuck you man. We didn’t want to leave a man behind, so we go up there for a few minutes and try to come up with a plan to get this kid in. Clance comes up to me and tells me to give him my shirt. I reply “No way! I don’t have on a shirt under this”. He said it’s the only way. I gave in and took off my shirt. Clance leaves to give his cousin my shirt and get him into the club.

So, I waited there with Bill, NB4 Girl, and his female cousin completely shirtless. About 10 minutes later two hot female flight attendants came up to me. They asked me why I didn’t have a shirt on. I thought they were going to make fun of me so I was nervous. I told them the first thing that popped into my head. I told them I was getting a tan. They said its 11 o’clock at night. I said I’m getting a “moon tan”. They asked me what that was. I told them it’s when there is a full moon and the ultra violet lights reflect off the moon to give you a glow. I didn’t think anyone would buy that, but they did. They thought it was so interesting. I told them it’s a very common belief in my culture. They thought it was exotic and took off their shirts (they must have been very drunk). One of the girls said should we use suntan? I said no you can use regular lotion. Looking back, that shit didn’t even make any sense. One of the girls had lotion in her purse. She begins putting some on the other girl. I asked for some and she said she put too much in her hand and just started putting lotion all over my body (like seriously she was even twisted my nipples and shit) then asked me to put lotion on her. We talked, had drinks, and danced shirtless for 20 minutes or so, then a bouncer came up to us and told us we had to put our shirts back on. The girls put their shirts back on and I said “oh my shirt is in the bathroom. Let me go get it”. I waited in the bathroom for about 10 minutes before Clance’s cousin walked in and handed me my shirt. Do you know what kind of looks people give you when you are standing in the bathroom with no shirt on? I’ll give you a hint – there are two kinds “What the fuck” and “Hey how you doing”? I preferred the “What the fucks”.

Unfortunately when I got back out, I couldn’t find the two girls I was talking to. I remembered the girls told me they were going to go to this bar afterwards and after dancing with some of my friends I convinced them to go to the bar where those girls said they were going. We head out to this bar but we can’t find the girls. Later on we meet a bunch of guys and start playing “Corn Hole” with them. Wow that sounds very gay but it’s a game where you throw a bean bag in a hole and is not about anal sex. Anyway, afterwards we walked out of the bar and tried to get some pizza. However, it was like 3 am and all the bars and restaurants were closing or had a really huge line.  One of the guys we met said his dad owns a bar on this street. He calls up some dude named Hector. Hector comes down and gives this dude the keys. So we go to this guys bar, and my friends are all drinking for free and chilling with these people we never met before. They asked me if I wanted a drink and I said no. I said I was going to go out and get some food because I was hungry. They said we have a kitchen in the back go make something. I thought this is fucking awesome. So I’m in the back making eggs and before I know it two cops come busting in. They start screaming at me asking me why I am there. They make me come out of the kitchen and all my friends are gone. I was freaking out. No one was there except the kid that said he owned the place. I started telling him to tell the cops, that he owns the place and he let me in. The kid says “I never seen this guy in my life”. I start freaking out. I start saying “Dude I met you at this bar; we talked about this and that”. He goes “Officers I think I smell explosives in here. I think he might be a terrorist”. I start to freaking lose it. I am literally seconds away from tears until all my friends popped out of a bathroom. Apparently the guy knew the cops and they were just fucking with me. It took a good few minutes to calm down from the shaking. But I have to admit, they fucking got me good. I went back to make my eggs and hung out a little more. We all left. We went back to the apartment. I come back to the hotel and pass out underneath the kitchen counter top. Later I wake up and drive back to DC. I Tweeted that I’m driving back to DC and the girl tweets me saying are you stopping in DC? I ignored her tweet. I was still pissed off.

The next day I sent her an e-mail asking her why she didn’t tell me she had a boyfriend. I asked her why was she was on the dating site, if she had a boyfriend. She told me that she really likes her boyfriend but they are not the same religion. So she was just looking at her options. I would have started off writing an angry e-mail or even replied angry when she gave me her reasons. But the truth is, I was simply not angry anymore. If it wasn’t for what she did, I would not have had such an epic time. Further, if things did work out for me and her, I would never have met the girl I am seeing now. Her name is Mary and turns out she’s ready to find the one.