Top 10 Ways How to NOT Get a Guy By Billal
The following are suggestions on how to look creepy and weird in front of a guy. Also I fully acknowledge that if you’re a person who regularly reads this blog you probably don’t need any tips.
1. Say the following, “I’m kinda into mature guys and I have what some might call a “DILF” fetish. Is there any chance you could show me a picture of your Dad”
2. I only had the operation yesterday, so I’m still getting used to this whole peeing while sitting down thing.
3. Open your purse, and pull out a cat. Point the cat at the guy and say, “I bring Doctor Fluffington everywhere with me, because he’s Mommy’s favorite, oh yes he is, OH YES HE IS!” Now point the cat at yourself, and talk to it, “This is your new Daddy sweetums! And I think he wants to pet you….OH YES HE DOES.” At this point if the guy hasn’t run away already yell, “PET THE CAT NOW! DO NOT MAKE ME HAVE MY THIRD BREAK DOWN TODAY! I WILL CUT YOU LIKE A BOX! YOU HEAR ME VATO!”
4. As soon as the 2 of you sit down whisper, “10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…” And then you yell, “HAPPY TEN SECOND ANNIVERSARY”
5. I own a strap-on. Me wanna be the Daddy tonight. Then for no reason at all yell, “bumbaclot!”
6. After the date, ask the guy for a lock of his hair for your “collection.”
7. In the worst possible detail, discuss your time of the month while the two of you are eating.
8. Act really butch. Challenge him to an arm wrestling contest. If you lose say, “You Fucking cheated BRO! I’ll shank you son!” and if you win say, “BRO, you’re a fucking pussy! Real talks, I’ll shank you son!”
9. Show up covered in fake blood, feathers, and holding a hammer. When he looks at you say, “I hate god damn pigeons” Then say, “Oh, please don’t get the wrong idea… this is puppy blood…the god damn pigeon got away…and I needed to take the edge off”
10. Want to have a threesome? My other friend is really hot, tanned and sexy… His name is Dave.
If you do try any of the above, I would love to hear how it went down. I would also like to take this opportunity to say that I am not responsible for any harm caused, however funny it may be.