TMDB: The Scorned Identity by Samir
You know how every girl has that story about what an asshole this guy is. Well here is a story from the side of the asshole. Sometimes all it takes to be an asshole is bad timing and some negligence. So the story starts three years ago when my parents bring up this ristha. Let’s say the girl’s name is Puja Shah. She seemed like a perfectly fine girl. She was nice, modest, and probably smart. So when this ristha was starting to go down this girl must have looked me up on facebook and noticed we had mutual friends. So she asked one of my friends about me. Now this friend is a lot closer to her than she is to me, so she’s bragging about Puja telling me how nice she is, how awesome she is, how little facial hair she has. Truth is this girl probably was really cool.
So my parents sent in my picture and bio-data and urine sample or whatever it is parents send nowadays. Her parents supposedly loved me. They liked my background, education, the way I look, the way I act, the way I lie (OK lasts one was an eminem song). The girl seemed to like me too from what I heard. Well I wasn’t really ready to get married. So after arguing with my parents for a while I told them that I was not ready. So my parents just kind of ignored their calls hoping they’d get the hint. Well they didn’t. They e-mailed, called, and called up my parent’s mutual friend until my parents called them back and they finally let them down like a bad first date.
Our mutual friend even asked me what happened. I said I wasn’t ready to get married. I feel like I’m young and if I got married now I will end up regretting it. Looking back on it now, I was totally right. I would have definitely regretted getting married that young. She told me the girl was upset but she’ll be OK. I felt really horrible but I figured it was better to say no to her now before I actually meet her and things got too serious like a bad bollywood movie called “Jab We Never Met”.
So fast-forward 3 years back to the future. I am three years older and man did I live the last three years. I partied, I traveled, and I even punched a kangaroo (to be fair he started it). I did everything I ever wanted to do and I don’t even mean that in the sleazy I had threesomes’ kind of way either (although I am pretty sure that kangaroo was being very suggestive). Then I had gone on this one vacation where I partied so hard I never wanted to party again. So I tell my parents I’m ready to settle down and get married. I got everything out of my system and now I want some stability. I don’t want to be out at 4am at a club anymore. I want to be snuggled on the sofa watching a romantic comedy with the girl of my dream. Honestly, The Proposal is a pretty good movie, I had to download a bootleg copy and watch it in my room when no one was home. So my parents started looking for a girl for me. For some reason it’s a lot harder finding a girl now than it was three years ago. I mean I’m still good looking (I’m no Matt Damon but I do alright) but after the fall of the economy everyone wants a doctor nowadays. Engineers are actually looked down upon by these people whose daughter went to school and studied bullshit major so she can marry rich.
So one day I stumbled upon my friend’s facebook profile. This was the same mutual friend who tried to hook me up with that girl three years ago. I saw that this beautiful girl left a comment on her wall. I thought she was stunning. Well it turns out her name was Puja Shah. I thought to myself why does that name sound so familiar. Then it hit me! That’s the girl I turned down?! I didn’t want to tell my parents that I saw this girl on facebook because I don’t want them to know that facebook exist. This is mostly because of the fear that they’ll make an account and want to add me one day. Then they will see that “Samir likes waking up with morning wood” as one of my fanpages. So I asked my parents whatever ever happened to that girl.
Well my parents inquired and turned out she was still single. I was excited as a fat girl in line for Twilight! So I even asked our mutual friend a few questions about that girl. I told her that I was interested in her. Well she relayed the message and I think the girl was still interested in me. So my parents told me that her parents were excited to meet us. I thought everything was coming together so nicely and everything worked out to plan.
Well I was wrong. When they finally sent the pictures of this girl, it was not the girl I saw on my friend’s facebook wall. It turned out she just had the same name. The girl I thought I was being set up with was not this girl at all. This was a bigger shock to me than any M. Night Shyamalan movie but it sucked just as hard. I start to panic. I literally feel sick to my stomach. So I said to myself “To the cloud!”. Then I realized that this was real life and not a windows live commercial. I thought well let me check this girl out anyways. I saw her pictures and even though she was not bad looking. I didn’t feel an attraction. I didn’t feel anything when I saw her picture. All I felt was anger toward myself for making such a dumb mistake. So after stressing over this for three days, I decided to just tell my parents the truth. I told them I didn’t want to marry this girl. So her parents again, hounded our phones, sent several e-mails until we had to let them down again. So if you ever asked me what was the worst thing I ever done in my life? I would say “punched a kangaroo”. However, if you asked me what was the second worst thing I did in my life? I would say “I turned down a girl for marriage only to look her up three years later to get her to like me again and turn her down again”.
Now I don’t know what else I could have done. In hindsight, I’m sure there are several things I could have done differently. However, I couldn’t marry someone based on a case of mistaken identity. I know it was a selfish thing to do, but people are selfish all the time. Sometimes someone takes the extra sandwich ice cream from the fridge, sometimes someone cuts you off on the turnpike, and sometimes someone steals the credit for your ideas. However, this was love. When I marry someone it’s going to be forever. I don’t believe in cheating. So I have to be sure. I have to be 100% sure that I like their personality and that I’m attracted to them. I’m trying to find the love of my life, and if I can’t be selfish in that, what can I be selfish with? I still haven’t been able to find someone since then. I feel like its karma. Oh well, all’s fair in love and risthas.
hahah its funny how much of a simple mistake can make you a total ass.
Hahah funny story…a lil sad too but I’m curious what the girls side of the story is. I bet its very different and I bet after reading your side it does little to change her mind about you.
100+ cool points for the awesome title of the article. haha
I don’t understand the Back to the Future picture. Was that just random?
“So my parents sent in my picture and bio-data and urine sample or whatever it is parents send nowadays.” lol
What a way to justify yourself – I feel repelled by your standard ABCD justifications! Cliched again.
Because most everybody is selfish – you are completely justified! Wow!
Love of your life – my foot! Do you even know what that is? You’ll marry forever? Don’t believe in cheating REALLY?!! So what is new now?
My 2 cents: Listen carefully to yourself – and you will know who you are cheating – YOURSELF.
Here’s what all that bull-shit translates to: that you have pretty much slept around with most ABCD women (and they with all ABCD men). And now, you want someone that you think fits into your pseudo lifestyle with who you would like to spread your genes.
Good looks and ABCDs – I don’t know about that. But ABCDs and artificiallity – Yay for that!
Oh Yeah – and about that silly mistake you made – NOT SURPRISED. Your IQ is too low (just like ALL ABCDs). What can you do? You didn’t have the intelligence to think otherwise.
Sigh….!
To the asshole above me: ever heard of truck drivers in India spreading HIV? Don’t turn it into an ABCD thing. Just because it’s not talked about in Desiland doesn’t mean it’s doesn’t happen.
Staying on topic though, I don’t even understand why such a nice girl would want a guy as “used up” as “Samir”, nor why she would give him a second chance. Though if she’s still single 3 years later…maybe her options are limited.
Honestly, I feel like you need to lower your standards a little. I don’t think that kind of love in marriages lasts, because the love disappears a bit after the honeymoon phase. Anyway, you could’ve gone on a date with her, maybe you would’ve liked her. Looks can grow on you.
“I did everything I ever wanted to do and I don’t even mean that in the sleazy I had threesomes’ kind of way either”
I thought this was clear…but i meant I did everything I wanted to do other than sleep around. I guess I could have said that but I was trying to make it funny.
Truth is I’ve always been afraid of ending up with someone who doesn’t want to go out to parties, and adventures like sky diving and the running of the bulls. But since i have already did so many exciting things im ok with just staying at home and watching a movie now.
As for lowering my standards. You may be right.
Also If you remember from my “Dark Knight Stand” story you would remember that sleeping around is not my style. So “Mr. Sad face” chill out with the whole ABCD Vs FOB thing. That shit is so 90s.
Dipps – so that’s who you compare yourself to – Truck Drivers from India? I get it – that’s your standard – point taken!
Oh Sure – There are “many” bonafide ass-holes in the Desi-land that have never somehow acquired any moral standards.
But “we” sure don’t consider them in our league, and know best to avoid them – leave alone compare them to ourselves – YUCK!
However, in the ABCD land – ALL of you are like that. Am I generalizing? Hell Yeah!
But living in this country for 13 yrs. now, I am yet to meet an ABCD that would have me change my opinion of you (it is not just the sleeping around part, but your attitude/artificiliaty/pseudoness and not the least, lack of real intelligence).
There was not a single time that I did not come off with a headache from a shallow, irritating conversation with an ABCD – not once.
I mean look at your lousy excuses – everybody is selfish, so I am justified in being selfish! And look at your other posts (perhaps there is no point to this, because you cannot realize it anyway)
The reason I comment – and Samir get it – that stuff is NOT so 90s – it is STLL THERE. My kind of an FOB is self-made, has always had his/her moral compass intact, and has his/her feet VERY FIRMLY planted on the ground.
In that aspect, we beat even your parent’s generation. Perhaps we could teach them some about how people ought to be treated, but too late now!
Okay I’m just gonna assume you’re a troll.
So let’s get this straight. You come on a comedy blog where no one is suppose to take anything seriously and cry about how bitter you are bc you can’t get along with ABCDs? I pity you.
Actually that was very 90s bc I was NOT born in America. And i haven’t been called a FOB or ABCD since the 90s.
i didnt know people still use the terms “FOB” and “ABCD”. if you’re criticizing these people to be ABCD, techincally if u decide to have kids here in the US, your kids will be also ABCD’s, since you like to generalize.
This is a blog, where people are allowed to write their thoughts and feelings without being judged, so who are you to judge others?
I resent the term ABCD and being called one. yes i was born and raised here but my parents have taught me values and culture just like im sure any indian that was born here was. stop generalizing and get over yourself.
k, have anice day
ps- GREAT post, defiintely something to learn from
CB ! Great Article my man…I know you feel and probably come off as an asshole to most people but at the end of the day i think ya’ll are both better off because of your decision to back off (even if it was for the 2nd time) shit happens..
AMEN to this comment !!!
“Mr. Sad face” chill out with the whole ABCD Vs FOB thing. That shit is so 90s.
There was no reason to bring out the ABCD/FOB Card on this topic and Mr/Mrs/Ms
needs to calm the eff down and make a trip back to the home land to realize that times have changed… and please cut the crap and avoid using the ABCD/FOB distinction..we already got so many problems and issues as a community/race this is the last thing we need right now ! Blah !
Samir: I still think you should have given the girl a shot…you never know! Atleast that would not leave room for any “what ifs” in the future.
At least your folks finally said NOT interested. Leaving them hanging—no matter how big the hint—is the WORST form of offense. That leaves room for spite.
As for the selfishness…all the way. Hold out till it’s absolutely right. Age’s just an Indian way of time-telling. It’s unreliable and faulty.
Ok, can I just say OUCH!
I think you should have met the girl and come clean with her. Poor chick might have had some real closure after hearing your side of the story. By having your parents turn them down (not once but twice!) by ignoring their attempts at communication is not only selfish (as you point it out) but also very, very COWARDLY.
I think people are forgetting the point of the story. It’s not about what he should have done. The article isn’t asking for advice. It’s suppose to give you an insight on how guys think. Everyone here commenting is a girl and instead of telling him what he should have done they should learn from it. He said what he did was an asshole thing to do. Guys are assholes we know that. But this is a rare insight to how they rationalize it.
If he went out and met the girl…then there would be no story to publish at all. Girls want him to have given the girl a chance and end up falling in love with her bc it’s a very bollywood type ending. This isn’t bollywood. This is how real guys think!! They are selfish. They do judge based on looks. Don’t get me wrong if a girl has a good personality and i already know her and she’s not good looking i’ll go into it. But if i don’t know her yet…why get it started.
I agree with the above comment. Our whole ristha system is broken. It isn’t a perfect system. You can’t call someone a coward bc they don’t know how to work this stupid fucken system of risthas and ristha etiquette. As someone who’s been in a similar situation. The best thing to do IS let it fizzele out. You can get into some really ugly confrontation by being “Honest”. A coward? No way. Also your parents do all the arrangements. Having a 20 year old kid tell a parent he is not interested in their daughter is like blasphemy. As a guy there really isn’t a lot you can do in these situations.
“Everyone here commenting is a girl and instead…they should learn from it.”
There’s nothing to learn. He basically just spoke about being superficial and then seemed upset that girls are superficial as well because doctors > engineers to some.
We weren’t dreaming of Bollywood endings either. We just didn’t want him to look back a second time and wonder if he missed an opportunity like he did the first time around.
No way meeting up with her would have been more awkward. If you never met her you guys can meet years later and become friends at least and ignore this ever happened. If you guys do meet forget that.
Also right now she can assume the guy didn’t like her for any reason. A reason that has nothing to do with her. That it might be something with the guy. But if you meet up with her and tell her that she’s not the one. That would be way more devastating.
Also out of curiosity if a guy does not find a girl attractive does he really grow to love her? I don’t know a single person this has happened to. I know stories of people not liking someones personality at first and then getting to like them. I hear stories about girls not being attracted to guys and end up liking them. I have never heard a story about a guy not being attracted to a girl and then end up falling in love with her. Never. He might sleep with her but marrying her? never.
People always base stories on exceptions. Like if he would meet her and end up liking her. That would be the exception to the rule. The rule of thumb is if you are not attracted to a girl chances are you will never be.
@ WOMEN DON’T GET THE POINT OF THIS STORY:
“Girls want him to have given the girl a chance and end up falling in love with her bc it’s a very bollywood type ending.”
Meeting a girl so as to not hurt her feelings and being upfront about the real reason is not about a bollywood ending. Its about being a decent person who can be honest instead of running away from situations. This guy did just that. Not once but twice! If this is how most guys think, lord save us.
Trust me, we know what the point of this story is. Once an asshole, always an asshole.
sanchari, I don’t get your stance (position) on this. Are you agreeing, disagreeing, saying samir is a decent person, or an asshole
I don’t understand Sanchari’s position either? I mean the guy has never spoken to the girl himself since it was one of those risthas that went thru parents and didn’t even get to the point were he talked to her. Nor did he want to. Why should the first time he talk to this girl be him turning her down. That’s just stupid. It’s really a no win scenario for the guy.
At least now if they meet somewhere down the line they can just ignore it as if it never happened bc they technically haven’t met.
huh…I consider myself a feminist desi and I thought Samir was pretty sweet. I really enjoyed seeing the male perspective since I’m also going through the introduced marriage process.
I mean…what’s the point in meeting the girl he knows he’s going to say no to and then rejecting her? That would hurt a million times more. She’d spend hours rehashing the date beating herself up for saying something stupid when it wasn’t her at all.
For the record, this doctor-desi girl thinks you’re a stand up guy.