Don’t Be Ugly: A Ten Step Process on How to Not be Ugly
Curry Bear has come to the realization that I have been going soft. I used to be a mean superficial sarcastic badass. However, once you start to get a huge fan base you want to be more politically correct and please everyone. Well I need to go back to my roots but I still want to help people. So I have come up with my newest article called “Don’t be Ugly: A Ten step process on how to not be ugly”. I even went as far as to talk to some models who are experts in not being ugly. Now remember these are superficial ways to not be ugly. If you are ugly on the inside none of these tips will help you. Unfortunately, in our society if you are ugly on the inside it does not matter as long as you are good looking on the outside. It’s sad but it is true. These tips won’t make you a gorgeous movie star or a model. But if you ever looked in the mirror and asked yourself if you are seriously ugly, this article is for you. If you fix all these things no one can really call you ugly.
1. Don’t be Unhygienic.
Being hygienic will automatically make you better looking. This is something that is not difficult at all. You can cut your nails, take a shower, and brush your teeth. Styling your hair is also a plus. Now when you style your hair, you don’t have to look like a tool. However, if you do look like a tool, remember that tools maybe annoying but they are not ugly. All you really need to do is look like you tried. People who don’t do anything with their hair give off the impression they are not even trying. Another thing you may want to do is make sure there is no wax in your ear or boogers in your nose. Bad teeth can also make you ugly. Have you seen a hot guy or girl and then they open their mouth? Please take care of your teeth and brush them every day. If you do have busted teeth I suggest you either save up some money to get it fixed or you never smile with your teeth showing. When you smile, only use your lips. Just general cleanliness will keep you from looking like one of the kids from Slumdog Millionaire to Freida “I’d like to spank that ass” Pinto.
2. Don’t be Smelly.
You don’t have to drown yourself in a juggernaut of Aqua Di Gio or AXE body spray. This is the simplest step in not being ugly. All you really need to do is take a shower and put on some deodorant. Everything else is just extra. It’s nice to smell really good but if you don’t smell like citrus it won’t make you ugly. To not be ugly, all you need to do is not smell like a vagina that hasn’t been douched since puberty. Smelling good is a plus so feel free to put on a little cologne or perfume. Just don’t over do it.
3. Don’t be Obese.
I am in no way saying people who are heavy or fat are ugly. In fact I love a thick girl. But there is a difference in being a little overweight and chubby and being obese. If a girl or a guy has a few extra pounds on them they are not even close to ugly. However, if you are an obese person, the kind you see on The Maury Show, than you ain’t got no alibi (you ugly you… you… you… ugly). You need to seriously lose some weight or become a Sumo wrestler in Japan. I hear they get really hot girls there.
4. Don’t be hairy.
There are a few women out there that like hairy guys but there are even fewer men who like hairy women. If you are a female please wax your mustache, armpits, arms, legs, back, maybe even your asshole. Girls just need to not be hairy. As for guys, the rule is a little more relaxed. Guys can get away with having the scruffy look on their face. This can be pulled off if you are decent looking to begin with. Facial hair is just something that works on some guys and not on others. However, back hair, stomach hair, and neck hair is something guys should definitely wax or at the very least trim. This is not hard to do. You can wax or trim your hair every month and have it not affect your life. For guys who are afraid of waxing, just trim the hair. You don’t have to scorch the Earth, just trim the forest.
5. Don’t be full of Acne.
If you have a face full of acne you could be considered ugly. If you have seen any Proactive commercial you have seen what a big difference a little clear skin can make. You should use a daily face cleanser or if you have a more severe form of acne please see your dermatologist. Clear skin makes you beautiful. It’s just the way the world works. Once you are clean and clear your ugliness will be under control.
6. Don’t be dying.
Being sick and suffering from a disease like leprosy is so not hot this season. But if you are dying you have a lot more important things going on than worrying about if you are ugly or not. If you are dying why are you even reading this? You should be reading inspirational stuff like on www.givesmehope.com
7. Don’t be deformed.
Being deformed is another thing that keeps you from being good looking. If you have an arm or a baby fetus sticking out of your face you are not good looking. I’m sorry but I would not fuck you unless your deformity was that you were conjoined twins and both twins are hot. I would prefer if you were conjoined at the ankle so it would be like a three legged sex race.
8. Don’t be bruised and beaten.
Bruises are not hot. If you are a girl or a guy and you look beaten and bruised you should stop. Just stop being bruised and beaten. If your own vanity is not a reason to get out of an abusive relationship I don’t know what is. Rihana is one of the hottest girls in the world but when you see the picture of her beaten and bruised it was not a pretty sight. Scars however, don’t count. I find scars to be very cool on guys and sexy on girls, except for scars left after c-sections.
9. Don’t be fashionably impaired.
Even if you are ugly, being a good dresser is an awesome way of concealing this. You should were fashionable clothes and you should wear clean clothes. You may think people don’t notice if you wear the same clothes for 2 weeks in a row but they can. Change your clothes, do your laundry, and don’t wear clothes with stains. Just wear nice clean clothes. They don’t have to be too trendy. Just don’t buy Wrangler jeans from Walmart and wear them for a week straight.
10. Don’t be loud
The truth is you’re only ugly if people notice you. If an ugly tree falls in the forest and no one hears it. is it really ugly?
These are my top 10 superficial ways to not be ugly. However, many times people who are guilty of doing these things are more beautiful on the inside than any of will ever be on the outside. So don’t take this personally. (Fuck…I am going soft.) >:(