Curry Mail – Bollywood Actors On Steroids
Curry Bear received this email from one of his readers:
Hey cb I was thinking the other day about what is going on in baseball. I’m really disappointed at some of my favorite players like Roger Clemens and Paul O’Neill. I used to be such a fan of the Yankees until this drug scandal surfaced. I was watching an Indian movie and wondering if bollywood actors are also doing steroids. Half the time in a song all you see is some guy without a shirt. What do you think about this cb? I ask you cause you seem to know to be an all-knowing bear
You’re right about one thing – Curry Bear is an all-knowing supreme being. I also know your mom’s bra size is 34 C.
There is no question that some Bollywood actors are on steroids. I say some actors because a few of them I believe are truly fitness freaks. Here are some of the top actors (in no particular order) that I feel in my opinion are taking steroids. I’d like to state that I’m not accusing anyone here because Curry Bear is not Jose Canseco. This is just my opinion based on the countless crappy Bollywood movies I’ve seen. Also, I should note that it’s human growth hormones that you’re most likely referring to Sandeep, but we’ll just use the term “steroids” anyway cause my readers don’t really care.
Salman Khan – This guy should have his face next to the definition of steroids in a dictionary. Salman Khan started the trend of actors showing off their muscles in Bollywood. Before he arrived, actors rarely took their shirts off because the audience didn’t want to see hairy chests. Once Salman arrived in the movie industry, the audience had to put up with a guy who loved to take his shirt off and wear daisy-duke shorts. Curry Bear has heard rumors that Salman would beat the crap out of writers if they didn’t write a scene for him to take his shirt off.
Why do I think Salman has taken steroids? His recent behavior in public over the last few years is a perfect example of a man on steroids. He beats up women. It’s a known fact that he tried to beat up Aishwarya Rai and there were recent rumors that he slapped his current ho, Katrina Kaif. This is a perfect example of ‘roid rage. After he got dumped by Ash, he went nuts and even showed up on her set like a maniac. Curry Bear often jokes about beating a bitch with a bat – it’s all fun and games until someone actually does beat a bitch. If Salman Khan is not on steroids, then Curry Bear is not a real bear.
Hrithik Roshan – I like to call him Hrithik “Daddy Long Legs” Roshan. OK seriously, is it even humanly possible to have a body like Hrithik? Hrithik was not always a jacked up guy. I believe he is taking steroids for one reason: he was trained by the same person who trained Salman Khan. Hrithik is like the Roger Clemens of Bollywood. We all know deep down that he must have done something to get that jacked no matter how much he denies it. All interviews of Hrithik have him saying that takes his fitness seriously. Personal accounts from people who know him also say that he is a fitness freak and doesn’t miss a day of exercise. Despite these statements, I still feel like something funny is going on. For God’s sake, the man’s legs are twice as long as his torso. On IMDB, Hrithik’s bio says that he added 6kg of muscle for his role in Krrish and he often adds/loses weight depending on the role. Had it not been for my suspicion of steroid use, I’d say Hrithik is the Bollywood version of Christian Bale (minus the acting skills). Unless Hrithik publishes a book detailing his exercise routine and the “high-protein” diet he claims to follow, I am still going to have my suspicions.
There is one thing I know for sure: Hrithik Roshan’s extra thumb on his right hand is definitely not a result of steroid use.
Shah Rukh Khan – I don’t know if SRK is going through a mid-life crisis, but he has no reason to compete with people like Hrithik and Salman in the “Who has the most muscle?” category. Prior to Om Shanti Om, SRK was always known for his lovey-dovey roles. He’s made a few action movies, but every time we think of SRK, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and Kal Ho Na Ho come to mind. SRK was never associated with muscles, so it was a big shock to see him sporting 6-pack abs for OSO. The sad thing is, there was really no reason for him to even gain muscle for that role. When I first saw the poster for OSO with SRK showing off his muscles, I thought the movie was a desi version of Fight Club. Oh, how disappointed I was that I didn’t see SRK beating the crap out of somebody. At this age, if SRK can get a set of 6-pack abs in a matter of months without steroids, then he should stop acting and go on American Gladiators.
Upen Patel – Here’s another guy who I believe is on steroids. From the first time I saw him in a music video and from his last movie, this guy has transformed more than Optimus Prime. I don’t know if I can call him an “actor” and include him in this list. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, please watch the movie Shakala Boom Boom. If you decide not to commit suicide after wasting 3 hours on that crapfest, then come back and talk to me about it.
Here are some Bollywood actors that I feel are definitely not on steroids or HGH:
Saif Ali Khan – hasn’t stabbed/punched a bitch yet and his muscles look natural when he takes his shirt off. No homo.
Akshay Kumar – this man knows Karate, is known to work out everyday and once strapped himself on a plane at 40,000 feet for a song.
John Abraham – Yeah, I thought he did steroids too until I researched him. After going through countless pictures of John Abraham without a shirt, I just stopped caring whether he does steroids or not. He does work out extensively and has his own fitness videos. If only someone would give John Abraham some acting videos….
Aamir Khan – The only reason why a method actor like Aamir Khan would do steroids is if he were playing the role of Jose Canseco in a Baseball movie.
Abhishek Bachan – If he is taking steroids, it’s not working.
If you have any random questions for Curry Bear, feel free to email him at CurryBear@CurryBear.com. You can also use our E-mail C-Bear page to send an email without logging into your own personal Inbox you lazy mofos.