Curry Bear’s Life Lessons
Kids, life is about constantly learning new things. Whether it’s taking the integral of e to the x (which if you write on paper spells out sex) or learning how to ride a bike, life is always teaching you lessons. Curry Bear would like to expand your knowledge by passing some things he learned from a big, fat black woman he calls big momma. In fact, everyone should try to make friends with at least one old, black lady. Not only will they make you laugh with their “whitey be holding me down” humor, but they also make some good fried chicken. Here are a few things C-Bear thinks might help you:
Fifteen Things in Life to Remember
1. It’s always darkest before dawn. So, if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
2. Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.
3. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
4. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
5. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
6. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
7. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
8. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
9. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
10. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
11. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
12. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
13. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
14. Never, ever, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
15. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.
I don’t know the original author of this list, but hopefully he took some advice of his own and made lots of money.