CURRY BEAR

I can’t believe that I’m writing this, but reports are coming in that Michael Jackson died of a heart attack. At the time of this writing, most sites are claiming that he suffered a heart attack and paramedics revived him before taking him to the hospital. After his treatment, he was taken to UCLA Medical Center. CNN is claiming that he is in a coma.

However, gossip site TMZ is claiming that Michael Jackson was already dead when paramedics arrived. Their website says, “A source tells us Jackson was dead when paramedics arrived. Once at the hospital, the staff tried to resuscitate him but he was completely unresponsive.” I consider TMZ a reliable source and I do believe that Michael Jackson is no longer with us, but I also hope that I am absolutely wrong. TMZ has been the first to break important news before so I do lend them some credibility here.

Today will certainly become a very infamous day - if the news of his death is true. I am a very big fan of Michael Jackson. To myself and many others, he is probably one of the greatest artists of all time. People can say what they want about his personal life. I always separate an artist from his personal life and judge him from his art. And when it came to the art, there is probably no one out there who can match the talent of Michael Jackson. How many times have you been at a club where the music was whack and then all of a sudden “Billie Jean” started playing and you got all amped up? How many Bollywood movies have been made since the ’80’s where every dance choreographer stole something from Michael Jackson? How many Bollywood music composers have stolen MJ’s beats? The answer is many. I was hoping to attend Michael Jackson’s farewell concert, but now it seems like my wish to see him perform live will never happen.

I’ll follow up with more thoughts as I learn more and hide my tears.

Whats up curry bear,
I know from your website you are a cricket fan so how about some love for
the pakistan cricket team and there underdog story. I’m an Indian fan but I
have to admitt that what pakistan did was simply amazing and totally unexpected.
So how about an article on the world t20 and the pakistani story?
Cricket Fan

Cricket Fan,

You must not have me on Facebook because I donated my status to congratulating the Pakistani Cricket team on Sunday. But you are right, this does deserve a post. To the white man Cricket is just a game, but to Desi people it is so much more than that. Lets admit it: us Desis are not an athletic lot. You don’t see many in the NBA, NFL, MLB, or even NHL. However, we do have one claim to fame and that is Cricket. I don’t care if the team is Indian, Pakistani, Sri Lankan, or Bangladeshi. Just like people associate blacks with Basketball, we are associated with Cricket. When people think of Soccer they think of all those crazy South American and European countries. But when people think of Cricket, they think of us.

However, Pakistan winning was simply amazing. They were an underdog team during the whole series and you are right, it was totally unexpected. That’s just how Pakistan is though. One of the most unpredictable countries in the world. Winning the T20 cup was like the NY Giants winning the Superbowl. No one saw it coming. Curry Bear has a real soft spot for the underdog.

I like the fact that you are Indian and giving props to your rival team. That is true sportsmanship when even fans can give props to rival teams. Even though these two teams are the biggest rivals in the world, you got to admit Pakistan has not had a lot of good news lately. The cool thing about Pakistan winning is how badly they needed this. The country has had nothing but one terrorist attack after another. I’m pretty sure more attacks have taken place in Pakistan than any other country. A lot of people look at Cricket as just a game, but to some countries it is much more than that. It’s pride, honor, and an escape from the daily lives. To the dedicated fans, it is almost a religion.

This reminds me of something Bruce Wayne said to Alfred in Batman Begins. “People need dramatic examples to shake them out of apathy.” This was what Pakistan needed to shake itself out of apathy. People just need hope and something to believe in. I don’t know how people live in Pakistan, but the constant threat of attacks has got to be disheartening to the people. Not only did they start winning Cricket games but if you check the news, they have been gaining more and more success on the war on terror. In fact local citizens have been battling the Taliban now. So congrats to the Pakistani Cricket team, you deserve it, you needed it, you got it.

I’ve had the unfortunate luck of meeting a lot of new people lately and I dislike all of them. All of the ones I disliked were guys. And yes, they were all desi. I’m not a pessimist or a people hater, but the number of desi people I meet who are douchebags is far greater than the nice desi people. I don’t know why I do this to myself, but every time I go out to party with my friends, I meet new people and they all act like major tools. In fact, I’ve met so many of them that I’ve developed a spider-sense that warns me when I’m about to shake hands with a tool. I guess it should be called tool-sense, but that just doesn’t sound cool.

About a month ago, I went to meet some friends at a girl’s apartment for her birthday. While I was there, I stepped outside to get something to drink and ran into a desi guy at the front door downstairs. This guy was rocking shades at 9:30 PM and wearing a blazer. I swear, I wasn’t checking him out or anything. I just notice things like when someone wears sunglasses when there is no sun. Just looking at him, I could tell he was going up to my friends apartment and what do you know, I was right. Since there were too many people, I never got introduced to this guy and neither did I want to know him. The first sign of his douchebagery that I noticed was when he saw a pack of Listerine pocket strips lying on the table. They were mine. Mr. Tool just walks up to the table and says, “Oh sweet, a Listerine pocket strip!”. He rips open the brand new packet and takes one the packs. I didn’t say anything. I could’ve mauled him to death with my bear claws but I didn’t want to start shit over Listerine pocket strips and ruin a girl’s birthday. Later on that night, we all went to a lounge. At the place we grabbed a small area to ourselves. We were going back and forth from the bar, to the dance floor to our table area. A girl pointed out to me that the tool was sitting in our table area, and sipping on her drink. If he had done this once, I would’ve said to myself “OK maybe he just got his drink mixed up.” But no, this guy had to go and grab another drink that was sitting on a table and take a sip from there too. I really regret not putting cyanide in that drink.

There have been many other occasions where I’ve met people and from the first moment I knew I wouldn’t like them. Some people just give off a “tool” vibe, kind of like how cellphones give off radiation. I’m pretty sure this tool vibe is just as damaging to a person as cellphone radiation. I sometimes feel like there is a tumor in my brain that grows in size every time I meet a tool. I’ve come to accept that many desi guys are cocky, arrogant, love to show off and I will not like them. I feel bad for the desi girls out there because if they want to date desi guys only, there are not many good choices out there. Not everyone can be as awesome as Curry Bear.

But Curry Bear has realized that there is a lesson in every experience. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has run into these kinds of people. There is too many of them and I can’t be the only sucker who gets to meet them. The lesson I’ve learned is that by meeting these tools - who act like hardcore thugs, brag about bullshit, and steal fucking Listerine pocket strips - is that the good friends I have are appreciated a lot more. Good friends are hard to come by, and everyone I’ve talked to wishes for it. It’s a sad thing but we have to be very careful about who we chose to let into our lives. Curry Bear’s advice to all you youngins starting your Freshmen year is that be careful and smart about the type of people you hang out with in college.And as always, don’t leave your drink sitting on a table - someone might steal it.

You know, for the past week I’ve been doing a lot of net surfing and sadly not paying attention to my own site. I have come to realize that I am the most unproductive person on this planet because I do nothing but read snippets about other people’s lives. There have been days I’ve been too lazy to go downstairs to get a glass of water. I just turn off the fan, wait to start sweating and then lick my sweat. True story. By now you all must have heard of Fmylife.com (FML). I have to say that I follow this site religiously now. I even downloaded a special app on my iPhone just to keep up with this site. The little tidbits about other people’s fuck-ups in life amuse me and make me feel better about myself. Lucky for us, there have been a lot of copy-cat sites that kept popping up. Here are some of the ones I read regularly.

Textsfromlastnight.com - Aaah what a clever idea. Get people to post their text messages on the internet and make millions! I wish I had thought of this. I actually like this site better than FML because I can relate to it better. I have plenty of whacky friends who text me random stuff, and if I weren’t lazy I would post some of them on this site. Here are some I just pulled off the site:

(845): Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.

(407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star…

(510): he said he didn’t have a condom.
(415): and you said?
(510): that that’s fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

(847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend’s twin last night…and he didn’t stop me.
(1-847): How was it?
(847): Fantastic, but that’s not the point.

Mylifeisaverage.com - This site is a great spoof of FML. While FML has people talking about their most embarrassing moments or big fuck ups, Mylifeisaverage.com is exactly what the title says - people talking about how their life is just plain average. But this site is only funny if you’ve read FML. Here are some snippets:

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I was thinking aout marriage. I did not want to answer, so I tried to chew it over with twix. Time did not stop, and I ate it awkwardly. She just stared. MLIA

Today, I took a scantron test at school. I realized I got 5 b’s in a row. I went back to check each one because it made me feel uncomfortable. MLIA

Last night, my dad walked in on my girlfriend and me. He asked if he could join in. We were playing rock band. MLIA.

Today, I got an F, I really, really, dreaded getting an F but I knew it was inevitable. That’s just how Scrabble works sometimes, though. MLIA.

Givesmehope.com - Man I love this site. This is a feel good site. While the other sites I mentioned will make you laugh, this site will make you feel good. Every time I feel down, I come to this site to give myself a boost. GMH makes me believe that even though this world is filled with criminals, rapists, chi-mos and murderers, there are still plenty of good people out there. In fact, this website makes me want to donate to charity. Read some of the posts while I go cry:

Today, I took a stroll through Manhattan, and I saw a man put a quarter in a parking meter. He then put a quarter in every parking meter that needed time on it so they wouldn’t get towed. GMH

I woke up one morning to hear the birds outside my window and my mother cooking breakfast downstairs. I’ve never cried so much in my entire life. I had been deaf since the age of 8.

Two years ago, I tried to kill myself by swallowing a bottle of painkillers. My online friend, who I’d never met, was the only person who knew. He called 911, they pumped my stomach to save my life. Today, I got my bachelor’s degree in sociology. I’m now going to grad school. GMH

My father was diagnosed with cancer and passed away 4 years ago. Recently, I stopped by his online blog. I found out my son had been leaving him comments, saying things like how he missed him, and how he is studying hard in school, and that he would study hard to find a cure to cancer so that people wont miss their grandfather like he does. GMH

Mylifeisdesi.com - Of course, it would be a crime if a desi didn’t take advantage of the FML phenomena. I just wish I was the guy who came up with this idea first. Now if I try to make a desi version, it’ll just look like a copy-cat of a copy-cat. But I will say that some of the desi stories on this website are hilarious while others not so much. Here are some of the good ones I saw:

Today, my dad asked me if i want a “viper”. I said yea. He got a wind shield wiper for my car. -MLID

Today my dad’s desi business partner who flew in from India came shopping with us at the mall. My dad would suggest things to buy and he would use his handheld calculator to convert from Dollars to Rupees and would say “Bahut mehnga hai!!” We spent 3 hours in the mall. He didn’t buy anything. MLID.

Today, I went to a club. This girl came up to me and started dancing. I didn’t know what to do so my fingers automatically pointed towards the sky and I busted out bhangra. MLID

Today, my father told me I’m too old and my “peak” time is almost over for getting married. But he says I’m too young to stay up and watch TV till 2am. I’m 25. MLID.

If you are anything like Curry Bear, there are only two things in this world you are embarrassed to admit you use to watch religiously. One is “The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers” and the other is “Saved by the Bell”. This show was great. There are so many things from this show that are iconic. For example: the Zack Morris Phone to calling “time out”. Check out this video and let’s hope the reunion actually happens. After watching this, I feel like buying some old seasons of SBTB on DVD, including that crappy movie where they go to Las Vegas to get married. Also, I noticed that this guy has not aged at all. I really need to find out what kind of drug both Zack Morris and Uncle Jesse from Full House are taking to stay so young looking, then give it to my girlfriend (I kid I kid).

Mark-Paul Gosselaar aka Zack Morris (or is it the other way around) was a guest on the Late Night with Jimmy Fallon show!! Not only is he so ON for the reunion, he sang an old Zack Attack hit “Friends Forever” with The Roots. This was amazing. (Also, ANOTHER cast member signed on for the reunion during the segment. Watch to find out which one it is.)

Last year curry bear interviewed Maxim’s Top 100’s Noureen DeWulf. CB was wondering what she has been up to so I decided to do some stalking…err I mean investigating. The reason she popped into my head after all these months is not because I have her on my wallpaper, screensaver, and my lunchbox that I take to work everyday. I recently saw her in the movie Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. I went to see this movie with my girlfriend and definitely not with four desi guys and a Guatemalan. In this movie she plays Melanie, the ghost of Girlfriends Present. Oh and what a present she is. She stars opposite Matthew McCaugheney, Jennifer Garner and Michael Douglas. Matthew McCaugheney reminds me much of myself (shirtless and constantly high). Actually now that I think of about it, so does Michael Douglas (cool and banging chicks way to young for him). I thought Noureen did an awesome job in this movie and I am glad she is getting larger roles in bigger movies. Every time people see her in a movie they always want to know more about her and her upcoming projects. Well I have your answer.

She will be appearing in the new show Maneater with Sarah Chalke. Some of you may know Sarah Chalke as JD’s girlfriend on Scrubs; others may know her as the bitch that broke Ted Mosby’s heart on How I Met Your Mother. Yeah Sarah, I knew the whole time you were not the mother! I don’t know what Noureen’s role in this movie is but I hope she plays either a slut, lesbian, or perhaps a robot sent from the future to stop Sarah Chalke from dating Ted Mosby!

Usually Curry Bear would never watch the Lifetime channel. However, for Noureen I shall make an exception and temporarily revoke my dude-membership and throw away my man-card. Curry Bear wants all his readers to support desi actors so check out this two part mini-series. Guys you should definitely watch this with your girlfriends and definitely not with four desi guys and a Guatemalan.

Noureen has also been on one of my favorite shows, Chuck, and will be playing opposite co-star Jennifer Lopez in a new movie called THE BACK UP PLAN. Truth be known, Noureen is Curry Bear’s real life back up plan. If we both don’t get married by our first STD we shall marry each other. You can also check out her spreads coming up in June/July Issue of Complex and Giant Magazines.

Maneater premieres in 2 parts this weekend on Lifetime at 9pm Saturday and 9pm Sunday night. So please check out this show if you wish to support Noureen and increase my chances of dating her. If you don’t check out this show, Noureen will never go out with me and if she never goes out with me, none of you will ever be born. If you miss the premiere you can catch reruns of it on Lifetime, but all you men will have to call in the Man HQ and let them know that your dude-membership needs to be temporarily revoked. Oh Noureen, if you only knew how ridiculously good looking I was, you would totally want me (and by “want me”, I mean let me down easy).

Back when I was in college, I had a habit of giving nicknames to every girl my friends and I used to meet. Each girl was given a unique name to help us better remember her. We once met a girl in the laundry room and since then we called her “laundry girl”. Then there was a girl we called “super girl”. Why? Because one day during lunch we saw her go in the bathroom wearing a sweater and a pair of glasses, and then come back out looking much better. And then there was math girl (who was dumb at math), 6th floor girl (because she was the hottest girl on the 6th floor), stubby-neck girl (the name says it), stupid-fob girl and many more. But lately, I’ve developed a new system to nickname girls. I’ve started naming girls after TV stations. You see, amongst any group of friends, I’ve observed that there exists a certain type of girl, which I’ve classified below. I want to share this with you so you can start your friends nicknames and make fun of them behind their back.

The Gossip Queen - We all know a girl who has all the latest news and gossip. She is up to date on everybody’s business and is the first one to find out who slept with who or who just broke up. Yes, she knows all this even before it goes on a Facebook feed. And anytime you talk to this girl, it’ll be nothing but gossip talk. Usually all gossip queens I’ve met are super-bitches, but that’s not always the case. There are some nice girls I’ve met who just love to gossip. For this reason, I’ve nicknamed these types of girls “CNN”. Why? Because CNN is “the most trusted name in news”.

The Funny Girl - OK I’m going to say something that may sound sexist but it’s true. Women usually aren’t funny, unless they’re lesbians. It’s true. If you ever listen to female comedians, you’ll rarely find them funny. BUT that doesn’t mean that there aren’t any funny girls out there. There are some girls who can crack jokes just as well as guys. I once told a girl that I would stop dating her if she lost a foot. She replied, “well so what? My vagina still works.” So there are funny girls out there and I hope some of you’re lucky to be friends with girls like that. I call these girls “TBS” because the slogan for that network is “Very funny”. These are the kind of girls who you want to be friends with forever.

The Whore/Slut - Who doesn’t know a girl who is a super slut or a mega whore? I read somewhere the difference between a whore and a slut is that a whore will sleep with everybody and a slut is a girl who will sleep with everybody but you. Usually girls develop a reputation of a slut or whore because word about their “hook-ups” and “bang sessions” gets out, thanks to CNN. I know a girl from New York who still looks super-fine but I’ve heard about so many guys who’ve slept with her, I’m scared to touch her. I don’t know what is going down in her District-9. All I can do is poke her on Facebook because Facebook will not give me an STD. I call these girls “Nat-Geo”, which is short for the National Geographic Channel. Why? Because Nat-Geo’s slogan is “dare to explore”. Hmmm….I just got an idea for a new TV show: Man vs. Slut with Curry Bear. Each week I’ll explore a different slut and show you how to have safe sex and navigate around her body so you don’t have itchy, red bumps on your genitals two weeks later.

The Drama Queen - If you’ve never met a girl you can call a drama queen, you have never met a girl. Every girl has drama in her life, otherwise she wouldn’t be a girl. But some just take it to another level. Back when I was in college, we would just watch girls and try to sense the level of drama that is radiating from their bodies. It was comparable to Luke Skywalker feeling the “force” in Star Wars. One girl who lived down the hall was always on her cellphone and yelling at her boyfriend. We nicknamed her “Metal Gear Monica”. If you’ve played Metal Gear Solid, picture a girl walking with an exclamation point on her head and you’ll get the joke. The drama queens are the girls who are constantly surrounded by problems and they can take the most minuscule problem in life and make it into something of great significance to them. I knew a girl who cried because her boyfriend forgot her birthday, which was on the day the poor guy had to take 3 final exams. Then she went to her friends and told them about how he doesn’t love her. I nickname the drama queens TNT. Why? Because like the TV channel, “they know drama.”

Curry Bear will write another entry with any new nicknames I come up with. Feel free to share any of yours.

This is a very cool video of a Chinese guy singing to an Indian song on China’s version of American Idol. Not only is he singing the song very well, but this guy is actually doing SRK dance moves to the song. Really goes to show you how popular Bollywood has become. Thanks to reader Tavleen for sending the clip.

Recently the awesome Curry Bear (that’s me!), was on Facebook. As I was about to log off, I got an instant message from someone. I really didn’t want to talk to this guy (whom I’ll call Ajay) because one of my favorite shows, Rescue Me, was about to come on. But Ajay trapped me by asking “Hey Cb, have you seen this week’s episode of How I Met Your Mother?” Since How I Met Your Mother is now officially my favorite show, I decided to chat with Ajay. He told me that after watching the episode of How I Met Your Mother where Ted tells his ex-fiance he is tired of waiting for that special someone to arrive in his life, he felt the same way. Ajay told me that he has dated a few girls but not one of them felt like she could be the “one”. Ajay said to me, “Curry Bear, what’s wrong? All the girls I date are so ‘blaaah’ and they get so boring after a while. Am I going to ever meet someone that makes me really happy and settle down or will I be alone forever?” I then replied to Ajay, “Dude, seriously, Rescue Me is about to start in 2 minutes and I don’t have Tivo, so how about I just write a Dear Curry Bear article for my response?” He obliged and then I signed off.

So here is what I would’ve told Ajay:

Dear Ajay,

I have this theory that any guy in this world can be classified as a character on the show How I Met Your Mother. There are guys who are like Marshall. The Marshalls of the world are the lucky guys who meet their soulmate early on in life and they date them for years and finally decide to get married. Yes, we all know of a guy who has dated the same girl since high school and you know they will end up together forever. Then there are guys like Barney. The Barneys are guys who go from girl to girl and get by without falling in love for a long, long time. And finally, there’s guys like Ted. The Teds of this world are the guys who will be hopeless romantics for a very long time until they finally meet their girl.

Ajay, you are a Ted. You have already dated a few girls and you might date some more. Each girl you date is probably different from the one before and yet none of them have captured your heart. I learned a long time ago that in order to find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, you will have to go through the trial-by-fire process of dating people or at the very least, meet new people. Not everyone out there is like a Marshall. We all don’t find that special someone in our life just sitting around on a park bench feeding pigeons. If we did, well then there would be no empty park benches to sit on and pigeons would be really fat.

When you’re waiting for someone “awesome” to come into your life, the wait can be the worst part. It can make or break you. Many people give up hope thinking that they’ll never find that special someone. But the “wait” to me is the most interesting part. While you wait for that person to arrive, you should go out and party, meet new people and date the suckers out there. The more people we meet (and reject) as we go through life, the more we learn about what we really want. Besides, who really wants to meet their soulmate at 23? Do you know how boring it would be if we all just met the person of our dreams at an early age? I’m still glad that I haven’t met my soulmate. I know that there is a girl/bear out there who is compatible with me like iTunes and the iPhone, and when we meet we will synch each other. But I don’t want to meet her just yet because I’m not ready. I want to enjoy my youth and I hope that she’ll meet me when I’m ready to finally settle down.

So Ajay, Curry Bear’s advice is to not lose hope. You can’t let life pass you by as you wait for someone special to come in your life. You will overlook a lot of the good stuff and put yourself in depression. The way to get through this is to never become pessimistic, enjoy the things you do have in life (friends, family, Resident Evil 5 on Xbox 360) and continue meeting people. You can’t just expect a girl to come and fall into your lap, although that would be really cool. You will never know who your “soulmate” is until you go out there and find her.

Also, please don’t ever message me again when Rescue Me is about to start.